После «Дурного примера» я думала, что вряд ли среди книг о любви между кровными родственниками будет ещё что-либо столь же прекрасное, искреннее и удивительно точно отражающее мои собственные мысли — о верности каждого слова просто-напросто хотелось кричать, чтобы услышали все, кто этого не понимает, — хотя там они были братья, что вдвойне прекраснее, если это вообще возможно, учитывая предмет. Но я ошибалась и поняла это, когда начала читать How I live now.

We were quiet for the longest time just listening to the rain on the window with his leg resting against mine and a feeling flying between us in a crazy jagged way like a bird caught in a room. The feeling which had been starting up for a while now was so strong it made me dizzy and so far we'd just been pretending it was what cousinly love felt like and all that garbage you tell yourself when you want to pretend something's not really happening.

Дальше...

After some more time I tried an experiment by thinking something very very quietly to myself, and then nothing happened for ages, Edmond just lay there with his eyes closed and I felt a little disappointed and a little relieved all at the same time and then just as I was moving on to other things in my head, he propped himself up on one elbow and looked at me with a little half-smile and then kissed me on the mouth so gently and sweetly, and then we kissed again, only not quite so sweetly.
And after a little while of this my brain and my body and every single inch of me that was alive was flooded with the feeling that I was starving, starving, starving for Edmond.
And what a coincidence, that was the feeling I loved best in the world.

It would be much easier to tell this story if it were all about a chaste and perfect love between Two Children Against the World at an Extreme Time in History but let's face it that would be a load of crap.
The real truth is that the war didn't have much to do with it except that it provided a perfect limbo in which two people who were too young and too related could start kissing without anything or anyone making us stop. There were no parents, no teachers, no schedules. There was nowhere to go and nothing to do that would remind us that this sort of thing didn't happen in the Real World. There no longer was any Real World.

But I would like to make an important point before this goes any further and that is if anyone feels like arresting me for corrupting an innocent kid then all I can say is that Edmond was not corruptible. Some people are just like that and if you don't believe me it just means you've never met one of them yourself.
Which is your loss.

Something in the air shifted after the visit from the doctor.
Not exactly because of anything you could put your finger on but if I had to guess I'd say that the magic we were trusting to keep us safe from the outside world suddenly seemed too fragile to protect us forever.

Everyone was quieter than usual that night. Piper and I wedged ourselves into one of the big chairs and were reading Flashman together and it was late but still light enough outside to read with the help of a candle or two and all the windows and doors were open to let the warm air in along with the smell of honeysuckle, and the dogs were dozing near us and Piper suddenly stopped reading and looked at me in her solemn way and said 'Are you in love with Edmond?'
And I thought for a minute about the best way to answer and then I just said 'Yes'.
She stared at me with the Family Stare, the one that normal people don’t ever do because it might be considered impolite to crash around in another person’s innermost thoughts without their permission, and then she said 'Well I’m glad you love him because I do too'.
My eyes filled with tears then, I couldn’t help it. I put my arms around her and we just sat like that with my tears running down into her hair and the night coming down darker and darker and the soft feel of it all around us.

She asked if she could sleep in my bed that night and I said yes and we went upstairs and lay close together in the narrow bed and I wondered if maybe she missed her mother, and then around halfway through the night Edmond came in saying he was lonely and he lay down too only facing in the other direction since it was the only way he could fit, and then around sunrise Isaac wandered in too wondering where everyone had gone and when he saw us he just smiled a little and went down to the kitchen and brought up the big brown teapot and some mugs on a tray and we all piled together on the bed on top of each other like puppies and drank our tea while the sun streamed in thick and yellow through the window.
And it was Edmond, with his oddball sense of what hasn’t happened yet, who knew we had to mark that day out as special and he said 'It’s going to be hot, let’s go down to the river for a swim'.

Edmond lay down a few inches away from me on the blanket and lit a cigarette and closed his eyes and after a minute or two I could feel the heat from his body flowing into mine, and when Piper came over with both hands full of petals and threw them up in the air so they drifted down over us both, Edmond laughed and asked 'What was that for?' And Piper smiled her solemn smile and said 'For Love'.

After an hour or so when I was sure Piper was calm and safe I slipped off to be with Edmond and we said even less than usual only climbed inside each other for comfort and oblivion and fell asleep that way wrapped in black sheep blankets and together dreamt a single dream that there was no one left in the world but us.

I guess there was a war going on somewhere in the world that night but it wasn’t one that could touch us.

Given how things turned out you might wonder why we didn’t make more of a scene about staying together but at the time we figured we could survive a week or two apart.
That’s how totally in the dark we were about our situation.